I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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