My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize