If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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