Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
