I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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