I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
