I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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