No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I stole a fireplace last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
