Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
