Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
