I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
