she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize