My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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