he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
