Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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