So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Be still, my beating vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
