kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
