What a fucking waste of an outfit
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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