i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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