You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
