It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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