I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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