Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
