he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
