Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
