It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
