so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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