Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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