Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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