i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
