girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
