Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
