I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
