Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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