I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize