I wish life had little blips of pornography
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
