I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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