There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
