if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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