so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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