somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
