im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
