I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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