im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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