Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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