So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
