I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
