is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sponge bath it is.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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