Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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