He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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