this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
