I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
