So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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