He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh god it's open bar.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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