First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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