If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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