her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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