so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
