In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
