You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
