GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
