so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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