did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
