Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
