mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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