i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
did you just send me my own nude
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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