I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize