Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
