Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
